When I was younger I used to get so irritated with my father sometimes. I was a smart kid, did pretty well in school, but it seems like he was always on me for something. There was always something that I didn’t really do up to his standards. He expected a lot of me, and it used to drive me crazy. Now that I’m older and have my own son, I see more than ever the value of what he was trying to do. Looking back on my own life and looking at the life I hope my son to have, the importance of how those expectations and consist consequences is evident to me. It’s normal to see the rash of craziness in the news on a daily basis, and it seems that crimes are being committed by younger and younger kids every day. It makes you wonder what can make a young mind turn like that, and whether they really have a sense of what’s right and what’s wrong.
Sometimes I am hard on my son, and I realize that. I expect him to listen and do the things he’s responsible for, which at this point consists mostly of basic manners, keeping his room clean, and doing his schoolwork. There’s not a lot of things you can throw at them when they’re 5. Still, as he’s adjusted to the routine that my wife and I had set for him he really started to flourish. Currently we have issues whenever he goes over to grandma’s, since all rules and structure seem to go out the window, and it hurts his development. As much as kids will say they don’t want rules and boundaries, it really makes a huge difference in the way they grow. It’s ironic how the only person you’re really hurting by giving in to their every desire is them in the long run.
By giving your kids consequences, you teach them early that they’re actions have meaning and affect other people. You also condition them to see certain behaviors as negative and others as positive based on the consequences you set for each. For instance, I had friends that as teenagers stole their parents car and went joyriding in it. For me, I never even thought of ever doing something like that, because I knew the consequences would be far worse than any possible gain or reward I would get from doing it. It’s the understanding of the negative consequences of our actions that gives us the boundaries of what not to do. When I see kids doing unspeakable things at such young ages, it makes me wonder if they really even know what the boundaries of basic social living are, and if they’ve ever faced consequences for their actions before in their life.
Parents sometimes get into the mode of wanting to please their children all the time. As parents it’s important to remember that we are responsible for guiding our children into the behaviors that they need to learn to survive and thrive in our society. They’re just children, what they want is not always what’s good for them. It’s our job to show them what is. To me, setting boundaries and giving your kids consequences for their actions is a sign of true love for them. You’re willing to sacrifice their short-term opinion of you for the greater good of their long-term future. What could be more parental than that? In time you just hope they understand what you were trying to do for them, just like I have with my own father.
